Good parent-child relationships depend on whether parents “overstep” and “miss the mark”

When children reach upper primary or secondary school, many parents unconsciously notice that they seem to have grown up all of a sudden.Somehow, the children have grown taller than they are or compared to themselves, the boys’ voices are getting thicker, and the girls’ love of beauty is getting stronger by the day ……The most worrying thing for parents is that the cute little girl who used to gather around herself, chattering and laughing all the time, has gradually become silent, preferring to stay in her own space, having her own little secrets, always a little grumpy, always a little up and down, actively distancing herself from her parents, and even starting to fight back when her parents lecture her, speaking out of turn ……

The fact is that children have a variety of problems that are related to their necessary growth.

The youngsters are in a transitional stage of development from childishness to maturity, from dependence to independence, from submissiveness to autonomy, and are in a “psychological weaning” period when they want to be free from their parents, give up their dependence on them, and begin to be independent.

Whenever parents are with their children, they tend to think of themselves as their children’s teachers and keep telling them what to do. But a good parent-child relationship is one in which parents are parents and do not “overstep” or “misstep” in their role.

1. What is “overstepping”?

Let’s start with a few simple examples: when your child eats, you chase after him or her to feed him or her; when your child is doing homework, you sit with him or her; when your child goes out to play, you are always worried that he or she will suffer, and you are always ready to blame other children ……

These are commonplace things that are actually “overstepping the mark” by parents. Letting your child do what he or she can do, and doing his or her own thing, is the best way to give him or her trust. To “overstep” means to have doubts about the child’s abilities and to let go of them, so that they have to do everything for the child and do it for him or her.

In fact, the children’s behaviour is a direct consequence of the parents’ ‘overstepping’: because the parents are always ‘overstepping’, the children lose themselves and lose their initiative. As a consequence, they gradually become unbounded, irresponsible, selfish and self-serving.

Such children will only rely on their parents but not trust them; they can only nibble on their parents but not be filial.

Letting go and letting children be themselves allows them to learn to take on, to face and overcome difficulties; to understand the value of self-growth, the meaning of self-protection and the establishment of self-responsibility.

In this process, parents should control their own behaviour and behaviours that want to “overstep” and give their children the utmost trust and love!

2. What is “out of place”?

In contrast to “overstepping”, “out of place” is very easy to understand. If “overstepping” is a “fault”, then “out of place” is a “mistake”.

For example, it is the responsibility and duty of parents to educate their children and accompany them in their development. Are you accompanying your children, are you teaching them properly, are you teaching them by example?

If parents are unable to do this themselves, it seems like a luxury to ask children to do it well.

Simply put, parents are not fulfilling their educational responsibilities, not taking responsibility and not keeping their own boundaries, creating an environment and opportunity for their children to make mistakes, and then ultimately blaming them for their own mistakes, which is “out of place”.

Do you blame your children for watching TV and playing with their phones while you are playing with your mobile phone or watching TV?

Do you tend to leave your children in the hands of the elderly, in care or with toys, while rarely communicating with them?

Are you seriously checking your child’s homework correction right or wrong while blaming your child for not checking the homework himself?

In fact, this is the result of parents’ “out of place”!For the education of children, parents’ “offside” and “out of position” do not exist independently, often behind the “offside”, there will be “out of position Often, behind the “offside” is the shadow of the “offside”; and behind the “offside” incident, there is also a close relationship with the “offside” behaviour.

Just as when parents are quick to tell their children what to do and act as “teachers”, they are “out of place” as parents. What children need at home are parents who understand them, trust them, tolerate them and even indulge them occasionally, not teachers who teach and instruct them all the time!